Melancholy thoughts on a Melancholy day

It’s nearing the end of December and the old cliche of ‘my how time flies’ comes flittering to my mind.  This Christmas was our 3rd Christmas without our sailor, and while I hate it when he’s not home, it was a nice surprise to hear his voice even from so far away as Dubai. He’s doing just what I told him to do, see the world and live your best life before you settle down and I’m so grateful he has that opportunity.

The Middle and the Little aren’t so little anymore and therefore Christmas mornings aren’t filled with shrills of giggles over Santa’s arrival.  They are excited for Christmas, just as they always are, but gone are the days of anticipating jolly ‘ol St. Nick’s delivery.  It’s sad, really, but if I’m honest, it’s a lot less stressful as they grow older.  I feel like I’ve paid my dues putting thousands of stickers on the newest toy and assembling a barbie mansion into the wee hours of the morning.

Mr. Medic shattered his elbow on Halloween when he fell off the 2-story shed he is building.  He has since had surgery and has a new elbow, made of some sort of metal.  He is still out of work as he does physical therapy three times a week.  It’s been hard on us since he had recently changed companies and therefore was currently uninsured, but we’re making it day by day.

There’s been a lot of changes in the household, and I’ll be glad when Mr. Medic’s mother leaves for good (though I will be equally surprised if that truly ever happens).  To quote Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey, “a nastier woman never drew breath.”  It’s a lot like living with a parasite whose negativity and hatefulness spreads throughout the space until it consumes everything and everyone it touches.  The liveliness and happiness that once filled my home have been dormant for all three years she’s resided with us, and I feel broken.  Worse still is the damage it has done to my marriage.  Neither of us can stand to converse with her, but her negativity is so contagious that it causes Mr. Medic and I to argue in ways we haven’t done in a very, very long time.

So as I sit and watch the torrential rain cascading down like silent tears on my soul, I can only hope brighter days are to come.  I’ve fought too hard to lose the life (and marriage) I’ve come to so desperately love.